even coco's music can't relive this pain.
this heart-wrenching, mind-boggling, bloody irkness, surpassing my mental limit of pain. physical pain i can stand. just throw to me everything u have, i can handle. i'll find a way to do it, and do it well. but this.
why can't my parents see, the stuff i did, was all for them. i don't benefit frm purchasing the queen for u guys. i just want u guys to feel better. live healthier. cos you've given me soo much throughout my whole life. instead, you have turn this whole thing AROUND. im ungrateful cos i spend that much amount. im untrustworthy cos i didn't discuss anything with you. wait, it goes to the extend of you can't use the atm card anymore, or hold your own bank book. that's my money. when omi used his to invest, you didn't say anything. and when i do it, to INVEST IN YOUR HEALTH!, all you do is to limit everything i do. i noe for this problem, only i can find the answer to it. but oh god! only you know how tough this is for me. i don't wanna disappoint my parents again and the only way to do that is to ensure i do well in this. but even that i can't cos i don't have my parent's blessings. and guess what, at the end of the day, im working alone. to convince everyone im right. and for what? you tell me. i don't even noe what im doing this for anymore cos at first, it started off as a community awareness thing. EVEN DAT! is haywire. cos of that bloody article. what gave the media people the right to crash sales people's ricebowl. no wait, to be precise, since it was so clearly stated in the article, VENTURE ERA'S RICEBOWL! and the person who was featured in the article, so clearly got back his 2K ald lah, even if he felt cheated in the first place. so why all this hoo-ha???
i noe im supposed to be the understanding one, the patient one. the nice one. the one who never say or do anything bad. the one who would say, at the end of all of this, "its ok" but i CANT BE THAT PERSON RIGHT NOW!
not when this happens to myself. not even my sisters or brothers will support me through all this problems cos they cant get the bloody old mindset of theirs out, that im trying to selling something to them and earn from all this melodrama of making them pity me. if i die right now, even the pontis would be scared of me cos i'll hunt down each and everyone of the suckers who make this hard on me frm the first place, starting with the idiot who asked me to fill in a BLOODY SURVEY!!
i noe im being a bloody hypocrite right now for NOT SIDING WITH EITHER VE OR MY PARENTS. tts cos i havent made up my mind yet. i cant do both and do me at the same time. just in case u havent notice, ive been doing stuff for others once too many times. even when doing something for myself, like buying the queen, its cos i wanna feel happy noeing my PARENTS ARE HAPPY. but nooooo.....
no one will ever help me. even god, being on my side, have left me to think of a solution myself. and cos even typing out my problems wont help me solve it, and i cant sleep on my problems like i did back then, im gonna go out and face it. im gonna do my job well. and if i cant do it, only then will i stop. not cos my parents said no. not coz i think im not good enough for VE. but cos ive tried. and i myself will noe how hard ive tried.
im so tired of all this shit. this u cant do it shit. this u wont go far shit. this think for yourself shit.
when i noe deep down its all reverse psycho. ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~!!!!!@#$%%^^&&*()_$#%^&*()_+#$%^&*^%$%^&*
FUCK IT MANNNN!~~
